Science v. Religion

I often hear religious pundits lamenting how science is destroying religion. “Our faith in God,” they shriek. “Is being destroyed by all this scientific reasoning!”

I have proof that they are wrong. Dead wrong.

I used a branch of the sciences called “math” this morning, and it has deepened my relationship with the Almighty. This math went something like this:

It takes me 15 minutes to knit a round on this confounded sweater. I get approximately 0.3 centimeters per round, and need to get 19 more centimeters before I begin the neck shaping. Ergo, I have approximately 63 more rounds before I even get to the neck, or 15.75 hours of knitting.

I then have 35 rounds to do the neck shaping and shoulders, another 8.75 hours of knitting, for a total of 24.5 hours before I finish the body.

It was at this point that science began to encourage religion, as I muttered, “Oh. My. GOD!”

Undaunted, I moved on. Let’s see. Sleeves, half the stitches and decreasing steadily but with the added challenge of having to pick them up and keep track of decreases plus a repeat of the more difficult spiral pattern at the cuff, we’ll call it 7 minutes per round, 112 rounds, divide by 60 blah blah blah, I’ve got 13 hours per sleeve and I need {pauses to count own arms} two. That’s 26 more hours.

Then we have the finishing of the neck in rib, another 1.5 hours. And then there’s the cutting of the steaks, the seaming, stitching, darning and damning of the finished sweater and I’m looking at roughly 55 hours left to go on this project.

My religious leanings are becoming downright fanatical at this point.

Checking my calendar, I note that I have today, tomorrow, Saturday and half of Sunday. And damn it, I’m supposed to work today and tomorrow. Today I’m working from home, which ironically is worse for my having time to knit – I’ve got to do all the kid stuff and making dinner stuff during the times when I’d usually be sitting on a nice, quiet(ish) train. Tomorrow I’ll have about six hours on assorted trains; seven if I take the earliest train out and the latest train home and then also take an actual lunch hour instead of my customary ‘eat lunch crouched over my keyboard like a feral cat’.

Let’s see. How to fit 55 hours of knitting, a certain percentage of which must be done at home where I have access to all my sewing tools and a nice, wide table, into basically one twenty-four hour period, to wit, Saturday?

“Hey, God! Hi. How ya doing? It’s me, Tama. Yeah, been a while. Um, listen, I was wondering…could you do me a little favor? Could you, like, perform a localized miracle for me, bend time and space and give me 55 hours in the next, say, twelve?”

There you have it. Science breeds religion. And I have every belief that God will, in fact, come through for me on this one.

And here are some pictures. Progress!



And, one of the steeks!! And no, I didn’t get wasted on Burly Fox chardonnay last night (much) and knit an earring into the sweater by mistake – that’s a stitch marker. A faaaaaaaaaaancy one. When I reach the stitch marker, I know I’ve completed another round.



So. If you notice any weirdness in the next few days, such as, say, 55 hours of daylight on Saturday? Don't panic. It's just God taking care of things for me.