Memo to Me

RE: Linen and/or Cotton Dresses Clothing for Denizens

Me,

Please do not buy cotton and/or linen clothing for any of the Denizens ever again.

I know you think you’re going to be able to just deal with the fact that they are wrinkled, and that you truly believe in your heart of hearts at the time of purchase that you will not be spending a chunk of weekend better spent doing anything else ironing them. You tell yourself that with a quick removal from the dryer they won’t be “all that bad” and that you’ll be able to overlook “a few little wrinkles here and there”.

This is not true. I hate to be harsh with you, but you appear to be somewhat dim where this is concerned.

The moment you see those pathetic, wrinkled-up clothes, you are not going to “deal”. You are going to feel impelled to iron those @*^&@ linen dresses with their limitless ruffles and whatnots, and those wee little boy’s shirts; and you know that every single time you iron those little boy’s shirts, you somehow burn yourself at least once.

Worse, you will tell yourself it is your fault that you “have to” iron them because you didn’t rotate the laundry quickly enough, hence all the wrinkles.

Which is a bald-faced lie, because those clothes would come out of a steam press wrinkled. They are made by Satan to test mothers all across the nation, to see if we will murder our children for getting them dirty and starting the wash / dry / iron cycle anew.

We both know this to be true.

So…spit in Satan’s eye, and FOR THE GOOD OF THE CHILDREN, don’t buy them. Ever again.

Thank you.
Mother Chaos