I hate friends

MADE YOU LOOK!!!!

No, but seriously. You know what the problem is with friends? They’re so delightful, and lovely, and add so much joy to your life that if, let’s just say that if you were to pull a couple of their names from a hat as people you will be giving presents to this year…gift card? Ha! Surely you jest!

No-no-no. What would be perfect for {name here} is…an impossibly delicate lace stole! Or maybe a luscious cashmere wimple. Or! No, wait-wait-wait! I need to do the diamond lace hat by Psycho Crazy Designer, with real diamonds!

Because after all – friends are worth their weight in wool.

Friends can make you forget about such piddley details as the laws of time and space. I can show mathematically that even if conditions were ideal – which of course they are not – I could not possibly get All That Knitting done in the time I have. Not even if I had the yarn I want not only in the closet, but somewhere near the surface of the bottomless pit which is my stash.

Which of course I don’t. I’d have to order it. And since we are already in the period where normal shipping times are delayed by a day (week) or two due to heavy volume, well shoot. I’d probably be getting the stuff the day after Never.

Does this stop me? Does this make me say, “Gee, that is Cwazy Tawk! I’m going to go ahead and get them a nice Macy’s gift card!”?

Tis to laugh! Ha! Hahahahahaha!

Of course not. Because the thing is, Einstein’s theory of relativity clearly states that time and space move differently in different realities. And brother, my reality is about as different as it gets.

So, instead I’m going to make myself crazy between then and now, throw a temper tantrum or three, dissolve into hysterics around, oh, December 21, and then I’m going to rush out at the last possible second for the gift card.

Just so we’re clear.

(Although speaking of ho-ho-ho knitting, I did just find a fabulously awesome !FREE! pattern at KnitPicks for…wait for it…coasters. Fair Isle coasters. And mug warmers. MUG WARMERS, people!!! I may need to whump up a few batches from stash yarn for pure humor value, if nothing else.)