Welcome to Bureaucratville

Boo Bug starts kindergarten next year. The sibling registration packets (for those with children already enrolled in the school) were available for pickup last week.

They had to be turned in yesterday, today, or tomorrow. Three days. That’s it. Get it in on one of those three days, or pay the penalty.

Not in by tomorrow? Too bad. Get in the regular line, putz, and thank you for stopping by. (The staff at the school is actually very, very nice – but they have to be very, very firm. If they make even one tiny concession on anything, boom. That’s it. All exceptions, all the time.)

I dutifully picked up my package last week, filled out the forms, dropped off one form at the pediatrician’s office and another at the dentist (can you believe it? now we have to have a dental report on file!), vaccinations up to date, birth certificate, blah blah blah.

Today, I picked up the last thing, went over the list twice, made sure my i’s were dotted and my t’s crossed and, trembling, dared to enter {dramatic music} the school office.

Every single time, every.single.time, I have to do something for the school system, I do it wrong at least once. Usually two or three times. Eldest almost didn’t get to go to kindergarten because she was ‘short’ a vaccination. I had to get two (2) doctor’s notes explaining that she couldn’t have the fourth vaccination until such-and-so a date due to the third having been on such-and-such, and fourth could not be given blah blah blah, and I almost missed the Absolute Last And We Really Mean It! cutoff date for registration.

So it did not surprise me in the least when the nice lady stopped dead at my mortgage statement and said, “Um, OK. No. We can’t use this to verify your address. We need a PG&E bill or city water bill to prove residency.”

Because, y’all understand, my driver’s license showing this address on it AND a mortgage statement showing that I pay $X every single month for the privilege of sharing ownership of the Den with the bank is not enough to hint that PERHAPS I LIVE HERE.

**sigh**

Fortunately, she had internet access. I am a ‘paperless’ kind of person and the only reason I brought the mortgage statement in was because it was the only official-like paper statement I had, of any sort, which showed our names and address together. But as she had internet access, I was able to log in to the PG&E website and printed out the last statement and we were good.

Let the record show that, on this day in history, Mother Chaos actually got a child registered for kindergarten without having to quit the battlefield and return another day!

And also, I got it all turned in one day prior to the last day! Which is early! Which is a Personal Best and I am so proud I may have to eat a celebratory box piece of chocolate!!

Now, I told you that so I could tell you this: I felt so sorry for most of the other parents in that office.

“Why can’t I turn this in now?”
“You don’t already have a child at this school.”
“But, I want both of them to go here.”
“But neither of them are registered yet.”
{pause}
“But they’re siblings!”

Have you ever thought you were in danger of popping like a soap bubble because you were holding in your laughter so hard? Because seriously...busting out laughing right about then would probably have gotten me decked by that (now really annoyed) mom.

“How come you need a birth certificate?”
“We need proof of age.”
“Well, it says right there on the vaccination record! XX/XX/2001!”
“That isn’t proof of age – the doctor’s office doesn’t specifically…”
“BUT IT SAYS RIGHT THERE ON THE RECORD FROM THE DOCTOR! WHAT THE @*^&@* DO YOU WANT FROM ME?”
{Everyone in the office, thinking, Um, a copy of the birth certificate?}
“Sir, we are required to have a copy of her birth certificate on file.”
“@*^&@ this. @*^&@ it!!”

I feel your pain, buddy. But if Captain Adventure suddenly says @*^&@ to me, I’m gonna kick your @**. And I mean that @*^&@ing sincerely.

Why doesn’t this count? How come I can’t use this? Well, I live with my mom so the bill is in her name…but I swear I live there, too…but he turns five on December 3! C’mon, it’s one stinkin’ day!!

Not to mention all the parents who were picking up the packets today (they were available last Wednesday, but for some reason an awful lot of parents thought it was this Wednesday) and realizing they had twenty-four hours to get all the forms filled out, find birth certificates and so forth and get the pediatric and dental forms filled out and signed by their doctors and dentists, or they’d miss the window and have to live with whatever they got from the district.

None of the forms are optional. None can be turned in later. It is all or nothing. And if you goof it up? You have to wait until May and try again. The later you turn it in, the more likely you won’t get into this school, and you’ll have to bus your children all over town.

Welcome to Bureaucratville. Please remember to use blue ink on all your forms, make copies of everything and do not leave the office without a signature on the little slip of paper that says we took possession of the whole thing – otherwise, when it mysteriously goes missing, your child will be sent to the School of the Forgotten, with all the other kids whose parents forgot to do some obscure thing by the 14th of Octember.

Thank you for stopping by, and have a nice day.