I think perhaps she didn’t grasp the concept

I went to the 99 Cents Only store today. I love that store. I picked up two huge cheap vinyl tablecloths to drape over my equally huge kitchen table whenever the Denizens are doing things I’d rather not have to scrub off the wood (finger painting comes to mind) – I get about ten uses or so out of them before they disintegrate, which I feel is a darned good deal for ninety-nine cents (plus tax).

I also found plastic sandwich boxes. Now, I was using these Ultra!Cool!Wrappers! (Wrap-n-Mats, and they ARE awesome) for the Denizen lunches, but! The Denizens kept losing the durned things. At $6.50 a pop, that gets hurtful in a hurry.

Sooooo, I picked up eight of those cute little sandwich boxes for 99 cents each. Also I restocked the Den candy bin, which is very popular around here on Friday when the girls cash out their commissions (they get quarters for chores, homework, perfect classwork and like that).

I buy the stuff 3/99 cents. I charge them $1.25 for it.

They do not need to know this, people. Someday, I will use it as a business-learning experience, an example of how the middle-person makes their living. Meanwhile, I will be grateful that they have a limited grasp of ‘deferred gratification’ and blow their $1.25 on a 33-cent Fun Dip instead of saving it up for Disneyland, which! If they saved $200, they could choose as their reward.

ANYWAY.

So I went up to the front clutching my basket of items and unloaded it onto the conveyer belt. The twelve year old obviously old enough to be working without a permit lady began ringing it up, and I began digging in my bag for my wonderful, ecologically responsible canvas bag, which miraculously naturally I had thought to bring with me into the store instead of leaving it in the van like I normally do as I’ve heard people say they often do.

As I triumphantly whipped it out of my backpack, I realized that she had already tossed all my items into two plastic bags. Straight from the scanner into plastic, in one smooth motion.

“Oh, actually? I brought my canvas bag,” I blurted out, and handed it over.

Without missing a beat, she took ten cents off my total bill (five cents for each plastic bag).

And then?

She put the two plastic bags full of junk food and recyclable #1 plastic sandwich boxes into my canvas bag and handed it back to me.

I.
@*^&@.
You.
NOT.

“Uh,” I said cautiously.

“OK, thanks, have a nice day” she replied briskly, giving my bag an extra nudge to make it absolutely clear that it was time for me to get going now. “Hi! How are you today? Find everything OK?” she continued, already scanning and thrusting the next order into plastic.

I may be a tad on the ‘socially awkward’ side of the scale, but even I know when I’ve been dismissed. I was tempted for a moment to unload all my things out of the plastic and leave it behind, but I could feel the hysteria building (curse my overactive sense of humor! CURSE IT I SAY!!) and beat a hasty retreat to my van.

There, I dissolved so thoroughly into laughter that I was crying. And also invoking the name of the Almighty over and over and over again.

Methinks she may be missing the point, just a tad.