Things To Do Today

1. Compulsively check email to see if anybody has gotten back to me yet about anything.
2. Clean something. Halfway, anyway.
3. Compulsively check email.
4. Clean other half of whatever I started back up there under #2.
5. Compulsively check email
6. Make a list of other things you could be doing other than…wait…it’s been, like, four minutes…maybe…
7. Compulsively check email.
8. Work on list for a minute.
9. Compulsively check email.
10. Wonder how many unread things are on Bloglines. Holy crap.
11. Compulsively check email.
12. Read blog post.
13. Compulsively check email.
14. {repeat steps 12 and 13 nine hundred and fifty seven times}
15. Wonder if you are depressed. Because honestly, you’re not feeling any too good right now.
16. Compulsively check email.
17. Decide you’re not depressed, you just feel like crap. Reconstituted, microwaved, low-fat crap.
18. Compulsively check email.
19. Twiddle with list a little more.
20. Compulsively check email.
21. Look at list.
22. Compulsively check email.
23. Think about maybe doing one of the things on the list.
24. Compulsively check email.
25. Get up to do something on the list. Decide back hurts too damned much and also my shoulder is aching plus I have a headache…and sit back down.
26. Compulsively check email.
27. Tell self that your back always hurts and the best thing for it would be to get up and DO something. Something other than…well, maybe just once more…
28. Compulsively check email.
29. Do something on the list.
30. Compulsively check email.
31. Do something else on the list.
32. Compulsively check email.
33. Get annoyed because HELLO! PEOPLE!! I am waiting on you, all SIX of you, who have work for me to do that you were all hysterical about NEEDING but now NONE of you are sending back the necessary blessing so that I can get started on it…
34. Compulsively check email.
35. Compulsively check email.
36. Compulsively check email.
37. Cuss.
38. Compulsively check email. Because all that cussin' took at least thirty-eight seconds and all...
39. Get really pissed off.
40. Out of pure spite, refuse to even acknowledge that I even have an email account for something like Four. Whole. Hours.
41. Except for checking for new messages on my Treo every eighteen seconds.
42. Work through list.
43. Knit something.
44. Start dinner.
45. Pick up kids.
46. Play with kids.
47. Feed kids.
48. Go over Kid Homework
49. Put Captain Adventure into the tub, and tell girls to bathe.
50. Argue with girls about the necessity of bathing.
51. Remind girls that being stinky is not a good way to remain popular.
52. Tell girls that if they don’t get into that bathroom, RIGHT NOW MISSIES, and clean themselves, you will never make cookies again and this time you REALLY MEAN IT.
53. Congratulate yourself for yet another moment of brilliant parenting.
54. Make cookies. Because actually, the threat was almost a promise, right?
55. Knit something.
56. Distribute cookies to reasonably clean children.
57. Put Captain Adventure back into the tub to remove melted chocolate chips from his little person.
58. Tell children to get ready for bed.
59. Tell children to get ready for bed.
60. Tell children if they do not get ready for bed, and you mean NOW!, there will be Hell. To. Pay.
61. Tell children it is not a bad word, but that ‘Hell’ is a collection agency based in Ontario, California, which specializes in the collection and redistribution of annoyance surcharges incurred by children who disobey their parents.
62. Tell self to enjoy these years because pretty soon, none of the kids will buy lines like those.
63. Put children to bed.
64. Put child(ren) back in bed.
65. Put child(ren) back in bed.
66. Put child(ren) back in bed.
67. Tell child(ren) that if they get out of bed again, you will make them eat your cereal for breakfast tomorrow.
68. Congratulate self on brilliant use of threats.
69. Watch a show and/or knit something
70. Get ready for bed.
71. Check email one…last…time…
72. Cuss. Creatively.
73. Reprint above list…you’ll need this same one again tomorrow…
74. Go to bed.
75. Be not discouraged. This is nothing new, however old it may already be. Laugh, love, and live...and worry about tomorrow when you get there.
76. ...surrepticiously check email just one last time using the Treo charging right there on the nightstand...