Aw, come ON!!!!

You’re my friends, right? You’d tell me if, you know, I had spinach in my teeth? Or maybe smelled like a rancid pat of month-old butter?

Sigh.

I am starting to feel maybe a tad not loved or something.

For the, uh, hmm, well lots of times (I only have ten fingers and ten toes, so I’ve now lost count), yet another contract has fallen through.

For me. My husband, thankfully, has gotten two under his belt in the first flippin’ week he’s been “on board.”

This morning he says to me, “Hmm. Next week is going to be a challenge…I’m going to have full time work from two clients, plus this third thing.”

I agreed that this could be, you know, tough, especially considering that I had an interview yesterday that went very, very well and all the feedback I’ve gotten has been basically along the lines of “keep your bags packed, we’re going to be a ‘go’ any second” on this deal.

I’m expecting the call any minute.

And then I get the call.

And it isn’t the call I was, you know, expecting. Or, put it another way: The call, I expected. The conversation was a surprise.

Basically, while they worship at the feet of my greatness feel that I am indeed an excellent fit and have mad skilz and blah blah blah it isn’t you it’s us…they’re deciding to explore other options.

@^*&@.

Seriously? Do I smell bad? Month-old spinach in my teeth? What in the @*^&@ is going on around here?!?!

Sigh.

Actually, I do know what’s going on, at least in part. With the economy in such a rotten state and their credit lines frozen, when employers get to the part where they sit down and calculate how much it will cost to get work done they blanch, maybe throw up in their trash can a few times, and then decide that since things have been staggering along more or less OK for the last eon, by golly they can jolly well keep staggering on for…a little bit.

Nobody has particularly deep pockets right now.

So. Guess I’m back to square one yet again.

I got off the phone, muttered a few choice words to express my feelings, and then reached automatically for my omnipresent list pad. I’ve never been big on wallowing when things don’t turn out as you expect. Disaster can often be opportunity in disguise – like the price of certain stocks right now, which I feel have ‘opportunity for truly embarrassing returns’ written all over them. (No, I won’t tell you which ones…I might be wrong, and I would feel beyond horrible if somebody ran out and bought a bunch of stock in some company because Tama said, “Wow, that’s going to be worth millions someday!” and then they promptly went bankrupt.)

I looked at it. Full of super-mundane things today, household things, things I wanted to get done now because, shoot. If I’m taking a regular old contract and going to be gone Monday through Friday for a couple months, we’re going to want these things done before I start…

Suddenly not so urgent.

Suddenly, I have all day today, and tomorrow. And all next week. Even if I got a call today with a Hot Opportunity, the whole process seldom takes less than a full week.

Change of plans.

Again.

I stared at it for a while. A few things occurred to me, but I just sat there.

Too bummed out to boogie, I suppose.

I’m bummed, and tired, and just feeling kind of…blah.

I think…I’m going to go knit something. Possibly while eating chocolate and watching something mindless on TV.

It might not be particularly constructive, but it’s better than brooding or whining. Or drawing random geometric patterns on your to-do list.

That’s…not particularly constructive, either…