OMG WTF: A cautionary tale for parents

This weekend, Eldest had a sleepover at her BFF’s house in honor of BFF’s birthday. Her birthday present was a gift card to Hot Topic, so thither they went in search of t-shirts with (appropriate) cartoons on them.

BFF wanted to buy a shirt that said, “OMG WTF?!” on it.

Her father said, “Eh, no. Inappropriate.”

To which BFF replied, “Oh, c’mon, Dad! Nobody at school will even know what that means! They’ll think it means oh my god, where’s the fudge. You know. Because I like fudge. A LOT.”

“Yeah, nice try,” Dad said, putting the shirt back on the rack, firmly.

“Seriously! Even Eldest doesn’t know what it really means, right Eldest?”

Eldest smirked. Then she snickered. And then…she spoke.

“OH…I know what it means. My mom is the F-word champion.”

{awkward pause} {Dad busts out laughing so hard he almost ruptures his spleen}

“…but only in private…” Eldest slips inter-guffaw. {now everybody in the store is on the ground rolling and gasping in laughter-induced pain}

Sigh.

OK, so, maybe I have, in the heat of battle, once or twice…murmured…a Certain Word that apparently has been overheard by Certain People who really should not be hearing these words from, you know…me.

You know that saying about little pitchers and big ears?

Yeah.

Big ears? Denizen’s haz dem.

double sigh

What makes me even more put-out is that honestly, I restrain my tongue most of the time. Or at least redirect it…you know, I’ll actually say “gol dang it all to heck” when what I really want to say is a little more…direct. Or I’ll yelp “oh fudge cakes!” when I’d rather say oh-f-it, or God Bless America and ALL THE SHIPS AT SEA when really, I’d rather be requesting Divine BLASTING OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH of whatever object is currently irking me.

And you know that this will be Common Knowledge among all 200-some-odd students AND their parents at school within 48 hours. “Eldest’s mom has a potty mouth!” they’ll say. And their parents will say, Oh, REALLY and then my name will be scratched off the play-date and fundraising volunteer lists and…

…wait…

…hmmmmmmm…

@*^&@^&@ it! I am so ^*@&^ing upset about this @^*&@ing situation! @^*&@^! I really need to clean up my @*^&@*&^@ing act, here!!!!!

{mwa-hahahahahahaha…}