Graduation did not come gradually

This afternoon, we went to watch Captain Adventure "graduate" from preschool (although just to thoroughly mess up our groove, he still has two more days of school next week). He was wearing a graduation cap and squirming constantly in his chair. His aide was steadily providing snacks to keep him (and one of his equally fidgety classmates) in place – and glory be, when his name was called, he chose to run to his teacher to receive his diploma!

Cutest. Thing. EVER.

Oh, you don't believe me? You think I'm exaggerating, that maybe I've got that Mommy Blind Spot thing going, and think my uglified little monster is "cute"?

BEHOLD THE CUTENESS, PEOPLE!!!!

(The fact that the gown sleeves are WAY too long for him just tickles me outside of all reason…)

I still can't believe he's going to kindergarten next year. It just doesn't compute, in large part because he is still so…well, vulnerable.

Physically, he's almost five. In some cognitive areas, he's almost five. He can build like a five year old. He can recognize shapes and patterns. He recognizes some words and can "decode" simple books (which is a precursor to reading, which is darned exciting for a four year old). He invents stories and games. He has an invisible friend.

But in most other ways, he's only two. He's got the patience of a two year old. Socially, he's two. His speech is barely two. His ability (and inclination) to follow directions? Oh yeah. Totally Two.

Terrible Two. He is stubborn like Two. He is self-obsessed like Two.

…he is my baby, like Two…

It's so hard to look at his innocent little face, his baby-face, and think kindergartener.

This graduation did not come gradually, for me. It feels like it was just yesterday that I was dragging him around from pediatrician to therapist to psychologist, practically screaming for help. This isn't right, something is wrong, HELP US…and they were all saying, "He's not old enough for this, that or the other yet…let's wait and see, let's give it another few months, in two months he'll be old enough for preschool…"

And then wham!

It's been two years. Two years since I left my job to start the odyssey. Not quite a full year since he was officially diagnosed with PDD-NOS. Just shy of a full year of autism-specific preschool.

And now kindergarten?

My baby is going to kindergarten?

Just doesn't seem possible.

Any more than the fact that Eldest is going to middle school seems possible. Wait, wasn't kindergarten just last year? Sixth grade? SERIOUSLY?!

The wheel just keeps on turning, faster and faster. Time goes by so fast, and yet so slowly, too…endless days full of laundry and sandwiches and picking up socks off the floor…gah, how much longer until they're all grown-n-flown?!…and yet whenever I blink some new milestone has just shot past me and the dread of the empty nest hits me. I'm gonna blink, and they'll all be off living their lives...

Ah, life. It always seem to happen when you aren't looking, doesn't it…